If only...

In rotation on my favorite rug from the homeland.

Clockwise starting from my little teddy bear: PS1, YSL tributes, Chloe mummy boots, Zara boots (from 2 years ago? I forget who came out with a similar version very recently...), twigs&honey necklace, Sam Edelman boots, Forever 21 necklace, some studded belt (you'll see one up for sale soon), Chloe Susans, Chloe wedges & back to my baby Daryl.

All this stupid crap can't make the cancer go away?! FML.

It's been nearly 4 months since my diagnosis now. Jack & I talked about starting a cancer blog. Well, it's up now.

The reality has also finally sunken in. I think it has anyway. I've come to terms with it (for now...). I have to deal with it, whether I like it or not. There are no and, if, or buts...other than the fact that I have to make the best of each and every day and live to the best of my ability. Everyone should make the best of every day that they live, it's a shame we all don't realize that until something terrible happens.

I can't even begin to describe how frustrated I felt following my biopsy and all my follow up visits with my surgeon and oncologist (how I DREADED going to those...God knows...). Never in a million years would I have guessed that I would have an oncologist at the age of 24.

You know? I told Jack, I wish it was breast cancer. I'm flat anyway! I'd say JUST REMOVE IT for all I care...

The cancer blog will be my way of reaching out to others who have also been affected and to connect with them because no one else can understand better than someone who has the disease itself. I tried looking for forums & such but they're so scattered. Not to mention, the topics are SCARY. For example, "My husband died of brain cancer..." Uh, should I really be reading stuff like that?

A lot of the posters are family members that talk about how their loved ones are struggling and or died. Oh God, I won't forget that Saturday night I was at my mom's with absolutely nothing to do and bored out of my mind. Following my boredom, I made the biggest mistake I could have made that night. I googled "astrocytoma brain cancer"...found tons forums to navigate through...read for HOURS and scared myself to death (well, not quite yet...). Over 200,000 people are affected by astrocytoma every year- if I'm able to make some sort of connection with ONE of those 200K, then I made a connection and I'll be content.

For the most part, the blog will be a guide of my voyage. From the day of my diagnosis, to the problems I encountered with our stupid health care system (you bet I'll be naming doctors-- good and bad.) I'll be highlighting how I've slowly changed my lifestyle and how this journey has been a confirmation that Jack is truly the best person I could have ever met & will ever know in my life.

I truly appreciate your correspondence and such. Having this blog has helped me get through some rough days and it will help me get through the hard days that may be coming ahead of me...

My message to you today is to appreciate everyone in your life, your health, and to live up to your fullest potential. Don't envy others, make the most with what's been given to you. I tell you from my personal experience- nothing is more frightening than the thought of dying when you feel like you've just started living.

So aside from this miserable topic, I'm still a normal person by the way. I feel & look normal (I do..right...?) and can carry any other conversation that isn't cancer related although I've got to admit this topic runs through my mouth day in and day out. Can't help it!

So, tell me. What's up your sleeve today?